If you are not a parent, you will never believe what just happened:
Rosie (14months) was crying so I wrapped up taking out the trash and ran upstairs to get her from a nap, clocking in at 1.5hrs. When I got up there, it was a horror story. There was diarrhea dripping from the mattress onto the floor, smeared all over the crib rails--and I'd never seen anything quite like this--Rosie's sleeper was drenched neck to feet to wrists with poop soup. So I took her to bathroom dripping and gagging, splattering the floor with liquid ass. I ran bath water, unzipped her as carefully as possible, but her butt was a geyser and she squirted lava all over me splattering the tub, wall, toilet, and the carpet of course. She was so slippery from poo juice I nearly dropped her putting her in tub, getting ass all over my pants. I lovingly squirted liquid soap all over her from the container and hosed her off while making a face I never wish to see. I had to scrub half the upstairs with bleach including my skin, which is now forever unclean.
Parenting 101: never have anything you love so much you can't throw it away when it becomes covered in shit.
