Light Parmesan Alfredo Sauce

Whisk all ingredients quickly and continuously:

1cup all purpose flour stirred slowly with

1cup nonfat milk

1/2cup water

2tbsp extra virgin olive oil

2tbsp light sour cream

Heat on medium heat until boiling.

Move heat to simmer.

Stir slowly 10-15min.

2tbsp butter

1cup parmesan grated

1tbsp parsley

1tbsp oregano

2clove garlic

2tbsp chopped onion

2 large chopped basil leaves

Salt/pepper to taste 

Smoked Salmon Parmesan Alfredo

8oz smoked salmon (see glazed smoke salmon marinade link)

8oz penne

1cup alfredo sauce (I use my homemade white sauce or in a pinch, light Classico)

1/4cup parmesan cheese

2pinch parsley

2pinch oregano

1cup spinach

1/2cup onion

Peanut Butter and Jelly Quesodilla

This is a delcious snack:

1 flour tortilla

2tbsp peanut butter

1tbsp jeally

Fold in half and grill one minute. Watch for hot jelly!

Fantasy Spy Glass Craft

This craft could be a kaleidiscope, or a 'fantasy themed soy glass". Made 2 of them with my daughters. I am forever hoarding and making up new crafting projects. 

Supplies

Paper tube (1 each)

Foam stickers, themed (optional)

Markers

Glitter crayons

Extra glue (I used hot glue) 

Tissue squares

Plastic disposable shot glass

Beads/jewels (optional)

Let child decorate tube as desired with supplies. Have them pick out tissue squares and line the disposable shot glass with the squares with an 'x' of glue on the square adhering it to the sides of glass (or use paint brush and glue). Once entire glass is covered, have them pick one foam sticker or jewel and glue in the inside center of glass. This will be the item they "spy", themed to your liking. Next use glue on inner rim of glass to adhere it to the end of the paper tube. Let dry. When peering it should appear as a kaleidiscope with multiple colors (the stained glass look) with the treasure at the center! 

This is a really durable adaptation done with hot glue. Other versions use paper at the tip secured with a band. The paper rips easy, even if using suran wrap, and the band unrolls often. I modified this and we played with it all day and there were 0 tears :-). Goodluck!

Spicy Glazed Smoked Salmon

Salmon Marinade

1/4cup soy sauce

1/4cup baslamic vinegarette 

1/4cup water

1/4cup olive oil

2tbsp pineapple juice

1/2 a lime

2tsp chili powder

1tsp onion powder 

1tsp garlic powder

1tsp cilantro

1/4tsp oregano

1/2tsp salt

1/2tsp white pepper

1/4tsp red pepper flakes

Smoking

Marinade 24hrs in fridge, smoke and use additional marinade to glaze 3+hours in smoker with misquite chips. 

Glazed Spicy Salmon

Glazed Salmon 

1/4cup soy sauce

1/4cup olive oil

1/8cup basalmic vinegarette 

1tsp onion powder

1tsp garlic powder

1tsp chili powder

1tsp cilantro

1/2 a lime

Salt/pepper 

2tbsp pineapple juice

1/4cup pineapple chunks 

1/8tsp crushed pepper seed

Jalapeno Poppers

4 jalapeno

4 cheese curds

4 slice colby jack 

4 slice chorizo 

 

Mint berry toss, July bearing

Bay scallop cabbage salad

Greek Early Summer (Garden) Salad

1can black olive sliced

1/4cup feta seasoned to taste

2lbs heirloom tomato

4cups chopped greens (Green Leaf Lettuce and Romaine Hearts)

1/2cup olive oil seasoned (1tsp oregano, 1tsp cilantro, 1tsp basil, 1clove garlic, salt/pepper)

1/4cup vinegar

1medium onion sliced

Toss generously. Serve.

55 calorie baklava

Spicy Warm Chorizo Salad

Mixed garden greens (mustard, kale, adult spinach, arugula)

2slices spicy chorizo per 1cup green

1oz colby jack or other fresh cheese

Dressing

1/4cup extra virgin olive oil

1/4cup vinegar

1 lime, juiced

1tbsp fresh cinlantro

1tsp fresh basil

1tsp garlic chopped

1/4tsp ground white pepper

1/4tsp chile paste

Salt/pepper to taste

2tbsp onion

Quesodilla, grilled, optional. 

Chiled warmed chicken salad

Smoked salmon on cream cheese and cucumber, cheesy garden soup

Tomato stuffed with egg, creme friche

Chile lime omelette salad

Horrible Things I Say to Kids Post #1

A.: Skyla said she needs to get a message to the tooth fairy cuz she don't want to give away any of her teeth. Lmao.

Me: Lmao. Amy let Bodee write the tooth fairy a letter asking if he could keep his for scientific study lmao ... He got his wish.

   Tell Sky I said look. Youre 4 now. Things are about to get real. Baby teeth get loose. What she should really be more concerned about is when her ears fall off. 

   Tell her I said if you ask to keep your teeth the tooth fairy thinks you're greedy and grows one big tooth out of your forehead and no one wants a Bucky unicorn to hang out with in kindergarten. 

A: Gee hope

Me: Is she worried about them falling out or them being taken by that greedy wench?  

A: I guess she was watching Robot Chicken. 

Me: Oh, great show. They basically parent for you. 

   Set a trap, catch her, squish her. Tell her, that's what you get you firefly posin' ho!

#momproblems

So Dahlia's first day of preschool is tomorrow, and our biggest dilemma is: Elmo, Panda, or Monster backpack? #momproblems 

April 1st, 2014

I can't decide between the bulldog purse pack or the panda bear purse pack. Ugh both. #momproblems

Oct 19th, 2014

Dahlia wants to wear the striped dress tomorrow, and I didn't dry it. Do I get up early and do it, or bribe her? #momproblems 

Oct 20th, 2014

Happy Anniversary

I am mother (working title)

I am 

Stretch marks

Loose skin

Big breasts

Faint smile

I am

Puréed bananas

Homemade laundry soap

Cloth diapers

And Amazon.com

Ripped jeans

Lacy underthings

Boo-boo kisser

Impressor 

Story time goddess

Nightmare warrior

Banisher of fevers

Queen of vommit

I am frustration patience need

I am

Mother

All woman

Nurturer 

Lover

Mother mother mother

A Poo-tiful Situation

If you are not a parent, you will never believe what just happened: 

Rosie (14months) was crying so I wrapped up taking out the trash and ran upstairs to get her from a nap, clocking in at 1.5hrs. When I got up there, it was a horror story. There was diarrhea dripping from the mattress onto the floor, smeared all over the crib rails--and I'd never seen anything quite like this--Rosie's sleeper was drenched neck to feet to wrists with poop soup. So I took her to bathroom dripping and gagging, splattering the floor with liquid ass. I ran bath water, unzipped her as carefully as possible, but her butt was a geyser and she squirted lava all over me splattering the tub, wall, toilet, and the carpet of course. She was so slippery from poo juice I nearly dropped her putting her in tub, getting ass all over my pants. I lovingly squirted liquid soap all over her from the container and hosed her off while making a face I never wish to see. I had to scrub half the upstairs with bleach including my skin, which is now forever unclean. 

Parenting 101: never have anything you love so much you can't throw it away when it becomes covered in shit.

Told You So, Post #3

Things I've learned the hard way this year: 1) A disaster is only a disaster if someone you love is seriously injured. This past year, in my first year of marriage, we had a fire. Our victorian property had a carriage house converted garage that burnt nearly to the studs. Unfortunately, many of our belongings were still unpacked in their impermanent home. My husband had taken a small break at my request when the fire happened. I smelled smoke and went to the kitchen window to watch our belongings burn. Many of our childhood things were in there, but thankfully my husband was not. 2) Financial hardship seems to pounce all at once. Bought a new car, my stove quit that day. 3) Being angry really only makes you suffer. Find a solution. 4) Kids don't care what anything looks like. 5) Your skin will suffer under stress. 

Told You So, Post #2

Things I've learned the hard way: 1) Always check a Pull-up before you pull it down. 2) Ovens are hot mirrors and children are apparently parakeets. 3) Ice cream will inevitably end in tears. 4) A puppy will not be easy just because now you've taken care of an actual baby. 5) Sex is almost impossible and ultimately ends in more children. Words of wisdom for the day friends and future mommies, and Ya, Ma, I know, you told me so.

Sunflower Hair

Sunflower Hair

 You look perfect in this minute--hovering like dust in the air--our minute, with you looking at me, me looking at you, and I see it, your innocence and surrender defining your love for me. I can see myself in you, but I somehow recognize myself less every day. (I wonder will it someday entirely disappear?) Those large, almond shaped eyes, green unlike my own. Darling, you are beautiful, light bouncing off your sunflower hair. I am laying on the bed, dress pulled up to bare my legs. The upstairs of this old, pink Victorian house gets hot and stuffy in the summer time as it would an attic. I want to hold this minute, cradle it like an infant fresh, writhing, stinking of placenta all warm and bloody. I think, I would like to remember you this way exactly, smiling and totally in love with me. But I know better dear girl. I know you will grow, because I will grow you. I know you will need to be yourself, and be less like me. I know you will forget sometimes you love me, and maybe I too. But anyway, I want to remember you, no us, like this: just together, alike, smitten, glowing and radiating and emitting and full of everything. I wonder if you see me--I mean really see me--the way I am full of faults and impatience with poor skin. (Do you know yet to see yourself in me?) In this minute, the sunlight is fading and you turn away, beautiful, tiny and disinterested.